On the way to retrieving her car from locked in car park I asked what was wrong. After she said that I was silent for a bit and she felt that confirmed it. I guess it did.
She hates that I forget things.
“It’s literally all the time”
But there’s this constant stream of issues, all of it adding to the catalogue of things I have to remember forever. And I can’t ask questions along the way. I can’t really participate in any meaningful conversation. I can either have an opinion that she shares, or a wrong one.
She’s so angry. Carries so much rage at the world. Like the sensor light not working. She’s saying babe, the handyman is an idiot and so rude, why would you fuck with peoples homes like that? It’s just that the sensor is broken. There’s no malice, but she carries this tension everywhere.
Last Weekend
Really angry that I was avoiding her, was embarrassed by her because I went from wedding to Marinus’ going away party. Sarcastic about hoping I had a good night. Makes me feel guilty for non offences.
On Thursday night she got bad info about $5 parking at Bowen Terrace and the GPS took her home over the Storey Bridge. Phoned me, and got really angry at me for two stupid fucking reasons
- I asked if she was lost. Trying to clarify if bad GPS had resulted in being lost. Fucking angry. “NO, I TOLD YOU the GPS took me a LONG WAY HOME, NOT LOST. I just told you that”
- She said “alright, I’ll talk to you at home” which apparently means the conversation needs to end this split second because she was done talking. I made my own comment and that made her ANGRIER because she wanted the call to end.
Those two things were enough for her to be ‘tired of being annoyed with me all the time’ and she asked me to leave her alone. She slept on the couch. On the back of those minor things + the blow over stress from the parking and GPS. It’s fucking hard to live with someone for whome $6 wasted dollars and bad drive means she sleeps on the couch. I am on egg shells.
I really don’t like the rage she carries at the world. Even when not directed at me, that’s not how I want to live.
Plans
I also get down because I can’t make advance plans. I’ve entered the QLD Open, I’m trying to train for it. Will she melt down that weekend, or guilt trip me, or make me feel like shit that morning? Will it ruin my energy? Who knows, I’ll find out on the day.
Can I go to Gavin’s Rugby night tonight? Dunno, depends how she feels and I have to read between the lines too. Can she meet my friends? Dunno will she crack it about them being critical of Australia, or having bad socks, or fuck knows what.